Monday, January 15, 2007
What is a marriage...
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning… you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call.. wanted their touch… and liked their idiosyncrasies...
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience… You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... because it's happening TO YOU...
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression... it implies that you were just standing there.. doing nothing, and then something came along and it happened TO YOU...
Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become another (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry ubsequent stage.
At this point… you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But.. sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV(not for me), or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.*wink wink*
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because …
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;
IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM (Namo amitabha). You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable, you can "make" love.
Love in marriage is indeed a "decision". Not just a feeling. ;)
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience… You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... because it's happening TO YOU...
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression... it implies that you were just standing there.. doing nothing, and then something came along and it happened TO YOU...
Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become another (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry ubsequent stage.
At this point… you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But.. sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV(not for me), or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.*wink wink*
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because …
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;
IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM (Namo amitabha). You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable, you can "make" love.
Love in marriage is indeed a "decision". Not just a feeling. ;)
by - Wern Sern at 11:34 PM |
12 Comments:
Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.*Grin*
Agreed!Love is not about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end.The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree, but still hold hands.Love is a noble act of self-giving, offering trust, faith, and loyalty. The more you love, the more you lose a part of yourself, yet you don't become less of who you are; you end up being complete with your loved ones.
Is this a seriously emo post? If it is then it would be better for me to tighten-up my chin & comment seriously.
But anyway, glad to know there are people who's posting readable stuffs nowadays. And i'm all out support for your thoughts on this one.
Anyway, hope you don't mind i linked u, kay. Take care.
Thank you charng ;)
Chim..Yupzz..serious post..there are times that i like to sit down and blog.But when with you guys,i haveta admit that i am a little crazy.My honor to be linked..
Take care guys..
Did you write it?
Sounds familiar... hmm...
But anywayz, too much of stuff in there. Kinda hard to digest. I think simplicity still reigns... the less words in love, the better.
This is the worst blog I ever read!
xweing - everyone has their own formula ;)
anonymous - how's singapore?busy shopping??pick up any HK canton? I will change from worst to worse..gimme time..
Well, no matter how you change, it is still a loussy and sucking blog. Give it up and concentrate on your work!
first thing first.
get real.
i WON'T spell lousy as loussy.ok?
duh.
and give up all those crap about 'love is about creating what right relationship'.
it is way so fake.
typo lah. loussy = lousy. lousies= a lot of lousy. =P
Anonymous-ES - Oi, budak..why so "kekdong" Dont so notty k...
aunty uncle.
please dont simply assume things la.
kekdong?
see people so sarcastic i also scared already la.
hmph.
ya ya. agree! this blog is full of sarcastism. The writer also very sarcastic. Leave the words to yourself rather than posting and dirty the virtual space.
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